A lot has already been said on how it is a man's duty to respect women and support them in every cause, why a society that doesn't respect is regressive in its thinking and why India is becoming unsafe with each passing day for its women. We know a lot of young men are all for women's rights, but chauvinism is much deeper rooted in the Indian society. While most men of this generation claim to be free of any sexist prejudices against women, there are a few things they still unknowingly do that contradict their support for women. This International Women's Day, we at MensXP bring to you a set of resolutions that every Indian man must make to make India a much better place for women.
Okay, so the girl you see strutting across the road is beautiful and you cannot help but notice her. There is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty, but there is a very fine line that differentiates it from leching. While you're visibly discussing her with your group of guy friends even with no immoral intentions, she is feeling unsafe being stared at. Molestation is not just physical. Don't let your eyes make her feel uncomfortable.
Stop Blaming Her
Nobody is responsible for your behaviour. Nobody but you. No woman ever asks for it. Even if she strips down naked, she is not asking for it. Let us stop blaming women. Short skirts and vodka are not the reasons for rape. Rapists are. Every time you blame a victim, you're justifying rape and molestation. And that is totally the opposite of what we are trying to achieve, right?
The root cause of disrespect towards women begins at home. Most men take women to be the homemakers. It is not a woman's duty to do the dishes and cook food for her man. Do not associate roles with the female gender and feed the people around you with more gender-stereotyping than there already is. A woman can party all night, get drunk, sleep with men she fancies and still be the sacred being that the Indian society expects them to be.
From this moment on, do not let this fight for women be restricted to the women in your life. Women are mistreated every day - in your office, on the streets, in the market, in your own house. Speak up. Stand up for her every time you see a crime against women, regardless of who she is. Be man enough to stop what is wrong.
Stop The Abuse
Abuse of all kinds - verbal, mental and physical. You may not be physically violent with the women around you, but you might just be abusing them in a million other ways. Be careful about how you treat women. Something as trivial as hurling abuses at your friends can be demeaning to women. Of course, you're doing it all in good, harmless humour, but it is disrespectful to women, nonetheless.
Don't Look Down Upon Them
Let the battle between the sexes be fought only in good spirits. Women are not inferior to men. A penis doesn't make you any mightier than them. There is much more to a woman than her outer beauty. Do not objectify them. The day you begin to give them due respect as equals, half the battle against gender-bias will be won. Food for thought!
Every individual has his/her own story. Just like wearing pink doesn't make a man gay, wearing a short skirt doesn't make a girl a slut. Even today, most men look down upon a girl who is in touch with her sexual side, while it is always an asset to be a sexually active man. Let's get rid of the hypocrisy please. It is high time that you accept that your wife/girlfriend/sister/mother can, just like men, be sexually aware and active. Come to terms with the fact that women need it and want it as much as you do, and it doesn't make them any less of a being.
Respect Her In Bed
Women aren't born to please men, in bed and otherwise. Her sexual needs are as important as yours, even though she may never pronounce them audibly. Porn may suggest otherwise, but it is not at all manly to look at women as your pleasure machines.
We know you care about the women in your life, which is why you advise her not to be herself. But to think of it, doesn't this mentality strengthen the evil even more? Every woman has crazy expectations from life. Help her sail through. Give her the life she's always wanted to live.
Inspire A Change
The idea of a woman's position being behind the man is so deeply imbibed in the Indian culture, that most men take it for granted that their significant others would follow them wherever they go. Would you be willing to shift base to a strange city just because it opens new doors of opportunities for your working wife? Women have been doing it since ages. Be the man who changes the course of things in the country. Inspire a change today.
Here's hoping, the year ahead is much happier for women. To all our women readers, we salute you, for a world without women is like men without balls - impotent.
There's something terribly wrong with Indian marriages. Forget equality, we cannot even be sure if the 'typical' Indian marriage can boast of something as basic as mutual respect between two partners. We know, the nation is awakening towards issues like women empowerment and equality, but there's still a long way to go. The Indian law deems any man above the age of 21 fit to get married, but truth be told, you're not fit to be a husband until you fully understand what marriages are and more importantly, what they're not. For the betterment of yourself, the woman you're going to marry, and the society you're going to raise your kids in, here are 10 things you must stand up for before you decide to tie the knot.
1. Dowry isn't always demanded by 'torturing' the bride. There are subtler ways of putting forth your demands and the 'ladke wale' in India flaunt this skill with pride. Your parents may drop hints to the girl's family about the 'things' (read refrigerator, furniture, car, etc) their house desperately needs. Make it stop. Even if the girl's family seems comfortable and willing to disguise the dowry as 'gifts' for the sake of their daughter, you must take a stand against it. It is high time we get rid of even those religious and regional customs that promote the dowry system in any way. The moment you let your parents demand dowry (in any form), you become an equal partner in crime.
2. No matter how much we may have broadened our minds, even today, a woman's virginity seems to be a big deal for Indian men. While they may themselves have been sexually active previously, it is impossible for them to accept the to-be bride's past relationships. Not just that, women are constantly judged and 'evaluated' on their fairness, height, weight and the size of their assets. Before you decide to get married, make sure you're free of such regressive notions. A woman is much more than her body. And, it is not shameful for a man to be married to a woman taller than him. It is your mind and soul that need a match, not your height.
3. It's so deeply imbibed in the Indian culture that the girl's parents would bear all the wedding expenses; most of us don't even realize how much undue pressure it is upon them. Just because you're marrying their girl doesn't mean they owe you a lavish celebration you can boast to your family and friends about. This is as much a social evil as the dowry system. You must either share the expenses or settle in for a simple affair that both the parties can afford.
4. A lot of young men end up going bankrupt, spending all of their savings on their weddings, just to live up to the society's expectations. Is it really worth it? Now, we're not saying you shouldn't celebrate but you must know the importance of hard earned money in adult life. Don't spend to impress others; it's never going to be enough. Of course, if you can afford it, you must celebrate and spend to your heart's delight. But if you're a young, self-made man who wouldn't seek his parent's financial help, you'd much rather opt in for a plain, affordable wedding and save the rest of the money for your future use. Firstly, because it's really going to help you live a comfortable life ahead, and secondly, because giving in to societal pressures is never worth it. Your wedding doesn't need to be better than your friends' or cousins'. It's your wedding, do it your way. Don't spend a fortune on it and regret later.
5. It is not only unfair but extremely regressive of a man to expect his wife to change her second name after marriage. She can be as much a part of your family even with her original name retained. Her willingness to get her name changed is no measure of how dedicated a wife and how 'cultured' a woman she is, which is why it shouldn't be a concern at all. Moreover, she has a lot of emotions attached to her name - it has been a part of her identity all her life. Just because she is married now, doesn't mean she shall lose all individuality. If you're still not convinced, ask yourself if you'd ever be willing to change your name to hers after getting married.
6. It is strange how convenient it is for an Indian man to make his wife stay with his family without having to give anything up himself. When a girl agrees to leave her home and live with you for the rest of her life, you owe her equal respect and love towards her family. Instead of making her distant from her family, promise to spend equal amount of time with her parents as she does with yours or be willing to move in with her parents. The society desperately needs an example of a truly equal marriage. Be that change!
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7. It is high time we let go of gender roles in a marriage. You'd have to put in equal effort to make it work. Help her with the household chores just as she helps you with the finances. Looking after the house shall be as much of your responsibility as it is hers. Doing the dishes or getting the groceries or cleaning the house wouldn't make you any less of a man. It's only going to make you a better husband.
8. Do not marry just to have children. Marrying for the wrong reasons can ruin lives - yours, your wife's, your parents' and more importantly, your kids'. Having said that, if your wife doesn't want kids at the moment, respect her choice. Don't try to force her, or worse, manipulate her for the sake of your parents' expectations. She may be married to you, but she's still an individual who has every right to have her own choices in life. Bearing kids is not the sole purpose of a marriage.
9. It is a shame that something as prevalent as marital rape in our country isn't punishable under the law, yet. There's no excuse for domestic or verbal abuse, and of course, marital rape. Before you marry, you need to pledge to your wife that you will never abuse her in any which way, come what may. Your marriage doesn't give you the right to your wife's body. Do not consider yourself above her in any way to be entitled to exercise your power over her. Her consent matters.
10. Lastly, Indian men must stop seeing their wife as replacements for their mothers. No, she may not look after your family like your mother may have been doing and she may not be the household cook and it is perfectly fine. She may want to focus on her career just like you. Only she gets to decide whether she wants to be a homemaker or not. And when you marry her, you give her an unsaid assurance that says you're going to support her in whatever she wants to do with her life.
Prepare yourself for a culinary journey that canvases everything from exquisite seafood to ignored vegetables, from coconut milk to crispy curry leaves, from spluttering mustard seeds to soft and spongy appams. Prepare yourself for a scrumptious ride to 'God's own country'.
The food of Kerala is one that needs no introduction: It's simple, zesty, flavourful and offers an intelligent combination of potent spices. Unlike the cuisine of its neighbouring states, the food of Kerala prides itself on being predominantly non-vegetarian. You've got chicken, mutton, pork, beef and a thrilling range of seafood - mussels, crab, tiger prawns, king prawns, tiny prawns, oysters, sardines, mackerel, tuna and gorgeous red lobsters.
Mallu food isn't just about the recipes; it reflects a meeting of cultures. Kerala hindus have a largely vegetarian menu and use coconuts that grow along the coast. Syrian Christians eat more fish and meat, and the Muslims make delicious breads and sizzling biryani. But some techniques and habits remain common through the state; vegetables are cooked with mild spices and steamed in their own juices or cooked in yogurt/ coconut milk. Rice is the staple food and red rice is commonly eaten. Coconut oil is preferred for cooking and is what givesMalayali cuisine a distinct taste. (Why people eat with their hands in Kerala)
Kerala is also known as the 'land of spices' and has attracted traders and travelers for centuries. Its mountainous terrain has the perfect climate to support the cultivation of pepper, nutmeg, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves and turmeric. It's probably why they're prominently used in Mallu cooking. Coconut is an indispensable hero of the Kerala cuisine. It's used in everything - from hot curries to soothing desserts. Besides enhancing the taste of the dish, it blends and tones down the potency of the spices. Unripe mango is also used in some fish and vegetable preparations. So is lime juice and vinegar. The pulp extraction of tamarind (in the form of pulp) is also used very often to give the food a unique sour taste. (10 things you must eat in Kerala)
We at NDTV Cooks are crazy about Mallu food which is why we take great pride in listing down some of the most top-rated recipes we've gathered through the years. Most of them are ridiculously easy while others need some serious craft, but we promise you're going to love them all.
Chemeen Pollichathu (Pan seared prawns)- Recipe by Chef Laiju Jameson, Taj Kumarakom, Kerala
This will get you drooling over your keyboard. Prawns are marinated in beautiful spices and lime juice, and cooked in coconut milk till the they've soaked in all the piquant masala they possibly can.
Fish Mappas (Fish curry) - Recipe by Chef Laiju Jameson, Taj Kumarakom, Kerala
An elegant fish curry cooked in coconut milk that makes the perfect partner for a plate of steamy appams.
Meen Murringakka Curry - Recipe by Chef P.T Mathai, Taj Varkala, Kerala
This killer fish curry comes from the house of Taj in Kerala. Sardines are cooked with pulp-y tamarind, coconut and drumsticks and then tempered with onions and red chillies.
Cheera Thoran - Recipe by Chef Ritesh Venu, Marriott Welcome Hotel
Kerala style stir-fry is a beautiful way to cook fresh vegetables. It can be served a side dish with some kind of curry or grilled meat of your choice. It's got clean, simple flavours that work well with rice, appams, dosa and malabar paratha.
Kozikode Biryani - Recipe by Chef Veena Arora, Chef De Cuisine, The Spice Route
Don't mistake this for just another biryani recipe. It's crossed generations and is made all along the Malabar area in Kerala - from Kozhikode, Malappuram, Thalassery to Kasargod. What you need for this stellar dish is a huge amount of spices, a small amount of chilli and one perfectly boiled egg.
Kerala Fish Curry- Recipe by Chef Aruna Kirpal
This features high on every Mallu restaurant's menu and lunch table. All you need to do is pick a fleshy white fish and smear it with onion, tomatoes, garlic, green chillies and coconut paste - Fry, temper and serve!
Pomfret Moilee - Recipe by Chef Asif Ali, Casino Hotel,Cochin, Kerala
The recipes is simple, easy and sensational. A fleshy pomfret, some mustard seeds, curry leaves, tomatoes and turmeric and you've got yourself a cracker of a dish.
Chicken Stew with Appams - Recipe by Chef Joey Matthew
Appam is a revolutionary food. It's got a soft and thick center, a paper thin outside and can be paired with almost anything. Chicken stew on the other hand is also a regular Mallu delicacy. Chunks of chicken or meat are bathed in a beautifully spiced and dreamy coconut gravy and served steaming hot.
Erissery - Recipe by Chef Ambili Kurian
This dish is enjoyed as a side dish throughout Kerala in weddings and festivals. It's two star ingredients are pumpkins and coconut.
Karimeen Pollichathu - Recipe by Chef Raju, Hotel Coconut Lagoon, Kumarakom, Kerala
Unwrapping a steamed fish is as good as unwrapping a new present. Marinated pearl spot fish is wrapped in a huge banana leaf, steamed still done and served with parboiled rice.
source - ndtv
No bride would leave any stone unturned to make sure that her wedding day is nothing but perfect. After all, it is one of the most memorable days of her life. It has to be very special; just the way she has been dreaming for years.
While some brides are coy enough to leave everything on their family and groom to decide, others are just like “Aamir Khan of weddings” who will do anything to make sure that everything is perfect. There are some brides who are so bindass and carefree that they just want their wedding to be truly fun. And, then there are those who just won’t stop crying on each and every thing. So, lets us have a look at the types of Indian bride and what makes them stand apart from the others.
#1 The sentimental bride
The sight of her dressed up groom, makes her shed tears of joy. The very thought of leaving her beloved family, makes her cry. If everything goes perfectly well, then also she can’t control her tears from welling up.
Well, some brides just can’t help but get sentimental about each and every thing when it comes to their special day. Be it during the wedding preparation, function or her vidaai, she can hug her family members and cry.
#2 The sharmili bride
Just the word marriage makes her blush. And no matter how much her friends or relatives tease her about her to-be groom or the marriage, she simply gushes, but never says a word.
"Sharam to ladki ka gehna hota hai" is what she abides by.
#3 Miss perfectionist
Right from her dress, entry, decoration, venue, menu and what not, this bride takes charge of everything. Her only goal is to make sure that everything falls perfectly into place, just the way she has planned for years. Well, we will say, she is indeed “the Aamir Khan of weddings!”
She looks into each and every detail over and over again to avoid any loophole. Just one slight fault and all hell break loose!
Here is something that all prefection-driven Indian brides need while they are planning their wedding: 5 Best Mobile Apps to Plan a Perfect Wedding
#4 The romantic bride
Moment you walk in to a wedding and spot heart-shaped balloons, red roses, pink and red dupattas, candles, hear romantic Bollywood tracks and get to know to-be couple is going to perform on Khuda Jaane, you can safely assume you have stepped into a romantic bride's wedding. Love is always in the air for her. She will never lose an opportunity to show her romantic side or make any moment a romantic one.
From sarsoo ka khet to rains, she finds romance in everything. She, literally, wears her heart on her sleeve.
For all those to-be-wed couples who are looking for best Bollywood songs for their sangeet ceremony should Read: 10 Bollywood Songs for a Couple to Dance at Their Wedding
#5 The filmy one
The moment her wedding is finalised, she instantly starts making a list of all those filmy wedding ideas and themes which left her mesmerised over the years. She even starts looking at the bridal outfits of all the Bollywood brides, like Shilpa Shetty, Kareena Kapoor, and so on, to have a dress just like them. Wedding songs from Karan Johar and Yash Raj movies will definitely be on her list. And, she will match the steps of all Bollywood divas at her sangeet. All in all, she would love to have a big fat Bollywood-style wedding.
Dear filmy bride, if you want to take your Bollywood-obsession to a whole new level, then Don't Miss: 7 Most Romantic Destinations from Bollywood Movies for Your Honeymoon
#6 The irritated bride
Just ask her a question or pass a comment related to her wedding or honeymoon, like kitne ka lehenga liya (how much did you get the outfit for?), isse accha makeup toh meri sister ki makeup artist nein kiya tha (my sister’s makeup artist did her better makeup at her wedding), kahan ghoomne ja rahe ho shaadi ke baad (where are you planning to go on your honeymoon?) or anything else, she will make all kind of weird faces.
Yes, just try asking her a question or giving a suggestion or making a comment, and get ready to be at the receiving end of weird faces and a few sarcastic answers. And, this one goes for everyone from friends and relatives to the groom.
Here is something that all the grooms-to-be must read as their brides are busy with the wedding preparations: 5 Annoying Things Grooms Do that Drive Brides Mad
#7 The bindaas bride
For her, wedding is all about having fun and being carefree. Be it organising fun games, dress codes or any other thing, she would do it all. She will sincerely follow all the traditions, but will make sure to enjoy every custom, and add some fun to it.
She would laugh her heart out on the drop of the hat and will not stop from shaking her leg with her friends and relatives. She believes that marriage happens once in a lifetime, so it should be enjoyed to the fullest.
For all the fun loving, bindass Indian brides-to-be out there, here is a special treat from our side, don't miss: 9 Amazing Fun Ideas For Your Big Fat Indian Wedding
#8 The unique bride
Her main priority will be to make her wedding an affair to remember, in true sense. She will come up with all sorts of unique ideas just to make her wedding hatke (different) from rest of the weddings. Something as unique as what Bollywood actress Gul Panag had, complete with cool glares, booze and a stunning ride.
Following the monotonous wedding routine is not just her style. An innovative and exceptional wedding is what she desires for.
#9 Always excited
Since she was a little girl, she has dreamt about this day. Now, that this day has arrived she just cannot contain her excitement and her giggles. Everything about a wedding excites her, and since this is her wedding day, she just can’t stop that smile from exploding on her face.
Are you also looking for more reasons to show off your beautiful smile? Don't Miss: Most Hilarious Indian Wedding Memes that Went Viral
She doesn’t like rona-dhona or tamasha or tension. She is just too excited about her wedding, and it shows.
#10 Self-obsessed bride
She is what Kareena Kapoor called herself in Jab We Met, “apni favourite”. She just wants to make sure that the spotlight is on her; after all it is her big day.
She won’t let anyone, not even her groom, to steal her thunder away on her wedding day. She would make sure that everything from her outfits and her jewellery to her makeup is the talking point of it all.
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